The Tokugowa Group
by deadoutcast457
Summary: A kessen Fic. Tokugowa hosts a disscussion group with other Kessen Generals (fixed some mistakes this time)


(slow, jazz music starts up as the silhouette of a Japanese general on a stool is seen)   
  
Announcer: Live, from Edo, Japan in 1614; It's   
  
"The Tokugowa group"   
  
With your host:   
  
Ieayasu Tokugowa   
  
  
(stage lights up and tokugowa is sitting on the stool)   
  
Tokugowa: Hello. IM Ieayasu Tokugowa and your watching the Tokugowa group. The talk show where me and four other Japanese feudal lords discuss events in the world. Today, my panalists are Lord Honda   
  
Honda: You say somethin' bout my Tombugerie?!   
  
Tokugowa: Lord Fukushima…   
  
Fukushima: YOU SHIVILING FISH BAIT! I outta make shushi right now!   
  
Tokugowa: Toyotomi commander Yuki Sanada.   
  
Yuki: I've got thousand's of chicks working for me! Bet you don't!   
  
Tokugawa: and, well… I'm not sure of his gender, general Kobayakowa.   
  
Kobayakowa: WHA!!?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Tokugowa: Okay, first topic: The tomb raider chick, WHAT'S WITH HER TITS? ARENT THEY HUGE!? Honda.   
  
Honda: If your sayin something about my Tombugerie, I'm gonna find out! So you better quit now!   
  
Tokugowa: Whatever. Fukushima!   
  
Fukushima: HER TIT'S ARE REAL!?   
  
Tokugowa: Sorry, forgot you where a moron! Yuki Sanada!   
  
Yuki: Why should I want some woman with huge breasts? I got a whole army of women with small tits so when you put em all together, it works!   
  
Tokugowa: Right! Now we're talking! Why get one when you can get a whole bag? Like you thinking! Little Puss, Kobayakowa!   
  
Kobayakowa: Well, uh, I guess… I mean… um… uh… she's not my type.   
  
(the other four are shocked!)   
  
Tokugowa: well! So you dig guys then? Is that it spunky!?   
  
Kobayakowa: no! that not what I meant!   
  
  
  
Tokugowa: Right, whatever you sniveling turd of a human. Okay, new topic:   
Liu-bei from "Romance of the three kingdoms." What's with this love and war crap!?   
I mean he starts this big war, sends millions to die, all for his ho of a girlfriend? Honda.   
  
Honda: I mean it's a normal sized tombuguerie. Any man would be content with it right?   
  
Tokugowa: Don't know, don't care. Fukushima.   
  
Fukushima: Yeah, well, she's a slut. But didn'y you hear about those chinese hoes? They give great helmet!   
  
Tokugowa: Yeah, well, I can get the same from one of my hoes without mass murder. Yuki Sanada.   
  
Yuki: Bet my hoes are better than your hoes!   
  
Tokugowa: Yeah, but yours are all dikes. Which, based on their looks, is actually pretty good for you when you watch them bathe. so your probably right. Kobayakowa.   
  
Kobayakowa: Well, Liu bei himself looks kinda cute and…   
  
Tokugowa: WHOA! HOLD IT THERE SPUNKY! TOO MUCH INFO! Im gonna be lying in bed with my hoe tonight thinking about that. Okay, new topic: Osama Bin Ladin. WHAT THE HELL'S WITH THAT BEARD! I mean he look's like an amish satan! Honda.   
  
Honda: I mean it pretty…   
  
Tokugowa: AND IF YOU SAY ONE WORD ABOUT THAT STUPID TOMBUGUERIE IM GONNA BREAK IT OVER YOUR HEAD!   
  
Honda: … I was just gonna say his beard is pretty long.   
  
Tokugowa: Good! Fukushima.   
  
Fukushima: Yeah! It must be a bitch to comb that thing every morning. I mean he must get lice and chiggers and maybe even some shimp in there…. Oh, shimp. That would really hit the button right now.   
  
Tokugowa: Right. Me too. How bout after the show we all get some saki at benihana's.   
  
Fukushima: Sure   
  
Tokugowa: great! Yuki.   
  
Yuki: So what about the beard. Why the hell do they keep women covered up over there!? No women in tight fitting ninja outfits?! I mean if it was like that over here, Id kill myself.   
  
Tokugowa: You're a perv who wont stop thinking about sex. All right little miss petite little girl wussy pants skirt wearing-   
  
Kobayakowa: well I think   
  
Tokugowa: IM NOT DONE WITH YOU NAME YET mister no testicle, broadway singing, friend of dorothy Kobayakowa!   
  
Kobayakowa: … you made me forget what I was gonna say.   
  
Tokugowa: Good, lets keep it that way! Next topic: Kobayakowa: What the hell's his gender?!   
I mean, im looking at this kid and im thinking "Tranvestite maybe?" Honda.   
  
Honda: All right, ill admit it's not as big as you tombuguerie, but…   
  
(tokugowa grabs his spear (tombuguerie) and cracks it over his head, knocking him out.)   
  
Tokugowa: See what you made me do!? SEE IT!? Fukushima!   
  
Fukushima: let me tell you, I had little bits of rice that could kick the crap outta Kobayakowa.   
  
Kobayakowa: Hey! Now wait a minute!   
  
Tokugowa: He ain't lyin! Yuki.   
  
Yuki: (checking out Kobayakowa) Well, he does kinda look like a woman. I don't really care about the head, I kinda like his butt!   
  
Kobayakowa: Hey! Im not that way!   
  
Tokugowa: I agree yuki, put a bag over his head and do your business. The chick himself, Spunky.   
  
Kobayakowa: Hey! Now im tired of all the abuse you've been giving me. And stop calling me spunky! I look all right for a guy my age!   
  
Tokugowa: And what's you age?   
  
Kobayakowa:... thirty…   
  
Tokugowa: Eat more rice. You'll live longer. Okay, last topic: Tifa from final fantasy 7 or Sun li from romance of the three kingdom: Who'd who rather screw? I disqualify myself since I've done em both!   
  
Honda: (coming to) I think you're an asshole for breaking my tombuguerie!   
  
Tokugowa: Hey! Don't mess with me, I've got chunks of guys like you in my crap!   
  
Honda: Fine then! Let my tombuguerie be your passage to hell!   
  
Tokugowa: Fine. you wanna go? Let's go!   
  
Honda: Gladly!   
  
Tokugowa: Kobayakowa, kick his ass.   
  
Kobayakowa: What! After all you said to me? Your lucky if I ever fight with you again!   
  
Tokugowa: Do it or I kill you.   
  
Kobayakowa: okay.   
  
(kobayakowa walks up to honda, who just puches him in the stomach repeatedly.)   
  
Tokugowa: That's all the time we have. Im Ieayasu Tokugowa and this is the Tokugowa group. KEEP YOUR FISTS UP KOBY! KEEP EM UP!   
  
(honda keeps kicking the crap out of Kobayakowa while the end music plays.)   
  
Announcer: This has been the Tokugowa group, with you host, Ieayasu tokugowa.   
  
The end


End file.
